Nick Offerman (he really should just legally change his name to Ron Swanson) provides a list of 25 other things you should do on this holiday; without a sidearm most of these won't be possible:
- Shoot your own dinner entrées.
- Drink American beer while it's fresh.
- Carry a sidearm into church.
- Shave your pubes into an American eagle.
- Place a beef-jerky bouquet on John Wayne's grave.
- Drive an appropriately sized truck.
- Read the national edition of USA Today.
- Make a healthy living simply playing the children's game of soccer.
- Visit the historical home of Laura Ingalls Wilder and drink a half pint of Old Darlin'.
- Urinate in North Dakota.
- Consume USDA-certified meatstuffs.
- Learn about the Bible in science class.
- Gape at the majesty of California's giant redwoods while watching Ax Men on an iPad.
- Carry a sidearm into an antique-furniture store.
- Stand at the South Rim of the Grand Canyon and contemplate the grandeur of the combination safe full of sidearms in your nearby RV.
- Go an entire week eating nothing but corn-syrup-based comestibles.
- Appreciate firsthand the natural beauty of American women, particularly my American wife.
- Not hear any Dutch accents.
- Stand at the northern border and pass gas into Canada.
- Secede from the union and form your own island state. (Still working out the bugs in this one.)
- Watch a WNBA game live and revel in the physical prowess of women who know what the human body is supposed to look like.
- Catch a largemouth bass, release it, then drive to McDonald's in a Hummer and step up to a delicious McRib.
- After that delicious McRib, hum "I'm Lovin' It" while carrying a firearm into a Buddhist temple.
- Become obese, then immobile, and get famous for it.
- Appear on television and get all the money and tail you could ever dream of by becoming a televangelist.
via Huffington Post, with full interview at GQ
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