Saturday, December 31, 2011

Top 10 posts of the year

(and also all-time) for the B Long Blog:

10. Zach Galifianakis walks out on Conan (10/26)
9.  The Last of the Meheecans (10/10)
8.  This is what happens in college (5/10)
7. More new (unfortunately fake) Ben & Jerry's flavors (10/11)
6. Cool credit card art (8/31)
5. Adam Sandler Career Timeline (11/3)
4. 7 Insane Easter Eggs Hidden in Movies and TV Shows (5/25)
3. HUGE margarita (4/21)
2. Patrick Bateman says... (6/28)
and far and away the top post of the year, with 648 pageviews...

1. Where Are They Now? The Cast of Clarissa Explains It All (8/21)

Friday, December 30, 2011

Verizon does a quick 180 on convenience fee

Turns out less than 24 hours after announcing a $2 bullshit fee "convenience fee" for customers using debit or credit to pay their bills, Verizon has decided not to implement it due to tremendous customer backlash.  The policy was scheduled to go into effect mid-January, but shortly after the announcement yesterday petitions were started and Verizon was forced to comply.  Chalk one up for the consumers, but there are plenty of other unnecessary fees still in effect; not only for Verizon but other corporations such as Comcast and the like.  Let's see what the next fee will be...

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Verizon sucks

Turns out my iPhone 4s ordered for Christmas has been waiting at the Verizon store for at least a day. You would think they'd be better at communication?

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Zach Braff and Donald Faison want to wish you Happy Holidays

3 Eagles named Pro Bowl starters

Congrats to LeSean McCoy, Jason Peters, and Jason Babin, named Pro Bowl starters for the NFC as RB, T, and DE respectively.  At least we'll be able to watch some Eagles play football past January.

Also a congrats to 49ers Kicker David Akers for starting yet another Pro Bowl, and for breaking San Fran's single season points record as well as the NFL record for field goals made in a season.

Full NFC and AFC Pro Bowl rosters at CBS Sports.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Friday, December 23, 2011

Drinkin' beers and robbin' banks

They go hand in hand, right?  Apparently, according to Tampa Bay native John Robert Whittle.  Here's the sequence of events:
  1. Orders a beer from Hayloft Bar
  2. Take a sip or two
  3. Leaves bar
  4. Robs nearby Wells Fargo bank
  5. Returns to finish beer after 30 minutes
  6. Gets arrested 10 minutes later
Despite the man being an idiot, I have to give him some props for finishing the beer.  Never let one go to waste!

via Neatorama

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The 36 Worst Action Figures From Iconic Toy Lines brings you "The 36 Worst Action Figures From Iconic Toy Lines," and boy, there are some bad ones.  Personally, I only owned 1 (Pizzaface) so I ended up pretty lucky.  Series include, TMNT, He-Man, GI Joe, Batman, and Star Wars; check them out!

Monday, December 19, 2011

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Henry's Kitchen: Pork Chops

Finally, after what seems like a year, the latest installment in the Henry's Kitchen series is now available! Watch Henry screw up pork chops below:

"Christmas Treat" reunion on SNL

Jimmy Fallon hosted last night's SNL, and Horatio's Christmas Treat made a return appearance. Horatio Sanz, Chris Kattan, Tracy Morgan, and of course Jimmy Fallon all returned for the skit. Tracy Morgan is definitely the star of the song.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Jimmy Rollins is still a Phillie!

I'm sure other shortstops signing with teams this off-season had something to do with it, but Jimmy Rollins has re-signed with the Phillies for 3 years.  The contract is worth $33 million, with a vested option for a 4th year.  Good move by the Phils in my opinion, since they didn't cave in to the original 5 year offer.  Here's hoping J-Roll can produce more like his MVP season this year.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Doritos Locos Tacos are coming!

I mentioned in a previous post that Taco Bell was test marketing Doritos Locos Tacos -essentially a hard shell taco with Doritos as the shell- and this now seems to be a reality.  The new item is beginning to be served nationwide at Taco Bell locations.  Keep your eyes peeled, this could be the next XXL Chalupa, which was the next Crunchwrap Supreme.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

The Texans are playoff bound!

With their impressive 20-19 comeback win over the Bengals today, the Texans clinched the AFC South title (and the first playoff berth in team history) and improved to 10-3.  Congrats to the Texans, and here's hoping they can get healthy and make a run in the post-season, or even a first round bye.  At least one of my favorite teams will play more than 16 games this year!

Alec Baldwin's perfect response to American Airlines

Friday, December 9, 2011

Pet Peeve #1

I cannot stand people who don't drive the speed limit. It's fine if you don't want to go 10-15 mph over the limit, but 5-10 UNDER is absolutely ridiculous.

Note: This happened to me on 3 consecutive car rides, and then a couple of other times since this post. unbelievable.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Red Hot Chili Peppers, Beastie Boys among inductees in Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

Two of my favorite bands, the Red Hot Chili Peppers and the Beastie Boys, have been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  Joining them this year will be Guns N' Roses, The Faces, Laura Nyro, and Donovan.  Congrats!  Now where's Rush?

P.S. 400th post!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Blowfish: The FDA approved hangover tablet

This only exists because I couldn't find a way to market a combination of Rockstar Recovery, ibuprofen, Gatorade, and mac & cheese.
Blowfish claims to cure hangovers in just 15 minutes after drinking the dissolvable, effervescent tablets.  It's FDA approved, which means it should be available soon in stores.  It runs for $1 a tablet, in 12 or 50 counts (2 tablets per hangover).  Each tablet contains a mix of caffeine, aspirin, and stomach soothers.  I might try it out after a regrettable night, my hopes are high.

via Buzzfeed

Dubstep to "Pumped Up Kicks"

Monday, December 5, 2011

RIP SpongeBob

via Uproxx

Man gets stranded, survives on frozen beer

How do you survive the cold Alaskan wild for 3 days with no food?  Frozen Coors Light of course!  52 year old Clifton Vial found himself stranded off-road after driving into a snow drift in Nome, Alaska.  He only had a nearly empty tank of gas in his pick-up truck, and a $30 jacket he got from Sears.  And the frozen beer, naturally. He occasionally turned on his truck for heat and radio, as he was far too stuck to dig out.  The beer was the only "food" he ate the whole time, and Clifton remarkably survived without any frostbite (losing 16 pounds in the process).

via Neatorama

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Batman: Arkham City review

Finally getting around to writing a little review for Batman: Arkham City on Xbox 360 (it's December 19th).  I don't think I'm spoiling anything here, but you probably are reading this if you already played the game anyway, or are at least in the process of playing.

First off, the game deserves all the praise it has gotten so far.  And yes, it's even better than Batman: Arkham Asylum.  The map is expansive, and something like 3 times larger than that in Asylum which gives you plenty of places to explore, and plenty of gameplay.  I was only 58% complete when I "beat" the main game.

A few key differences that improve the game are updates to the fighting system, new Bat gadgets, the addition of side missions, and new gameplay modes.  The fighting system was made easier in my opinion, but that could be due to me beating Asylum just prior to playing City.  Batman does have more combos in his arsenal this time, with several of them only being available with an 8x multiplier or when enemies are in specific situations.  Free-Flow Focus is amazing, as you can literally glide across the screen from enemy to enemy.  If you time it right, your multiplier increases by 2x instead of 1x, which really adds up quickly.  I ended up getting a 100x multiplier at one point, easily getting the achievement for a 50x combo.

When you press the D-pad to access Batman's gadgets, you'll see a full arsenal at your disposal.  All 8 directions of the D-pad are utilized, and even 4 more locations beyond up, down, left, and right.  Some of the gadgets are similar, as there are several batarangs and ice grenades, but all serve a purpose in the game.  You start out with a lot of the gadgets from Asylum, but again have to progress through the game to attain the others.  Mastering the multitude of quick fire gadgets is not too difficult, but key for becoming adept at combat.  One of my favorite was definitely the long range detonator, as you could deactivate an enemy's weapon without their knowledge.

The only real side missions in Arkham Asylum were collecting all the Riddler trophies, but nothing to stray from the main storyline.  Arkham City, however, contains 12 side missions (if I remember correctly) that all are separate from the main storyline.  Several of these were fun to complete, and a few were challenging at times.  Most of them revolved around enemies that didn't share the spotlight with the big guys: Joker, Penguin, Mr. Freeze, and Two-Face (which bring me to another point later).  Characters like Bane, and Zsasz make returns in the side missions, and new characters like Deadshot and the Mad Hatter debut.  These added missions give you something to do after you beat the main game, and are a good distraction during it.  And, of course, the Riddler returns with his trophies, and even his own side mission.  There are more trophies to obtain, with a page of them being combat based.  There aren't too many really easy trophies, and most require some sort of puzzle to get.  A couple of them are pretty difficult, and required multiple tries.  I even had to look up how to get 2 or 3 of them online.  One feature I loved was the ability to "tag" trophies using Batman's scanner.  This would leave a "?" on the map where the trophy was, allowing you to come back to it later.  Once accesing the map, you could even set a custom route to the trophy which made finding them much simpler.  Even beating certain Riddler informant enemies would place a "?" on the map for trophies that weren't yet tagged.

Obtaining all the Riddler trophies can't be done without the addition of one of the new gameplay modes: Catwoman's own storyline.  She has 40 trophies of her own to collect, which Batman can't touch.  Unfortunately she can't tag Batman's Riddler trophies, but can collect them if her skills allow her to.  Catwoman's story revolves first around Poison Ivy (who isn't in Batman's story) and then around collecting her loot from Two-Face (which is fitting since Two-Face is in both stories).  Something I found kind of neat but some people found annoying was the integration of Catwoman's story with Batman's.  At key points in Batman's stories the screen fades to black and then next thing you know you're playing as Catwoman.  Once you progress through her story, you'll come back as the Dark Knight.  I won't spoil anything, but late in the game one of these crossover points is quite important to the main storyline.  Aside from Catwoman's story (which you can replay), there are even more combat and predator challenges, this time called Riddler's Challenges.  I haven't played too much of these yet, but they provide much more gameplay than in Asylum.  New Game + is a new mode in City, allowing you to replay the game with all your gadgets.  The catch?  The enemies are tougher and there is no counter icon.  To beat this, you have to use all your Bat gadgets to perfection, and have a handle on the combat system.  There are plenty of challenge maps to complete as I said before, and these can be played as Batman, Catwoman, Robin, and Nightwing (which provides additional gameplay).  For those achievement whores out there, some of these characters are required for a perfection 1,000 Gamerscore.  This is not an easy game to 100%, and will take some time.  After beating the main game and the side missions, I'm somewhere around 80% complete.

As I mentioned before, several characters make return appearances.  The Joker is the star again, but he plays a more behind the scenes role this time, which sets up a great twist/ending at the conclusion of the game.  Despite hints at the end of Asylum, Killer Croc and Scarecrow do not return  in City (Bane returns in a diminshed role) but are referenced.  Penguin, Two-Face, Mr. Freeze, and Hugo Strange take their place in the sequel.  I was glad to see some characters return, but also glad to see the addition of so many more.  It was a great balance, and I never felt like there were too many enemies in the game.  I will say Batman's interactions with his enemies provided some great storylines and really developed his character.  As the old saying goes, keep your friends close but your enemies closer.  Speaking of friends, Alfred and Oracle return, and even Robin make a cameo appearance.

I think that just about wraps up my review of Batman: Arkham City.  It's a great experience for any gamer, especially a fellow fan of the Dark Knight.  Even at full price, the game is worth it.  You absolutely get what you pay for, as the game will keep you playing for hours on end trying to inch closer to that elusive 100%.  Sure, you can beat the main game and call it a day, but what's the fun in that?  10/10

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Easily the best gingerbread "house"

via Neatorama

South Park: The Game press release

THQ today announced that they are collaborating with South Park Digital Studios LLC, the joint venture between "South Park" creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker and Viacom Media Networks and Obsidian Entertainment, Inc. to develop the next chapter in South Park entertainment: "South Park: The Game."

"South Park: The Game" is an epic role-playing adventure that will allow the user to befriend Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny and explore the quiet little mountain town like never before.

"Our goal is simple: to put creative talent first," said Danny Bilson, EVP Core Games, THQ. "Matt and Trey are arguably two of the most important comedic talents of their generation. Bringing their vision of South Park to the interactive space is a dream-come-true."

The first details of "South Park: The Game" will be revealed in the exclusive cover story in Game Informers January issue, shipping to subscribers in early December 2011.

"South Park: The Game" is scheduled to be available for the PlayStation 3 computer entertainment system, the Xbox 360 video game and entertainment system from Microsoft, and Windows PC in the second half of calendar 2012.
 From SPS

Friday, December 2, 2011

BASEketball came close to guessing the new Marlins uniforms

I also posted this at my BASEketball blog, check it out!

‘BASEketball’ almost predicted the Marlins uniforms in 1998
Miami Marlins on the left, Miami Dealers on the right

Link here, with props to my friend Warren for finding it!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

It's a long way to the top

If Svedka is the number 1 vodka of 2033, does that mean they think it will 20+ years to get to the top? Seems like it would take much shorter honestly.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

2 signs of the Apocalypse

First, Hanson (yes, that boy group Hanson) is making their own beer.  It'll be an IPA out hopefully early next year, called MMMHop. *rimshot*

Secondly, lawyer Alan Dershowitz sent the "Palestinian Chicken" episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.  In the ep, Larry David eats at a Palestinian chicken restaurant named Al-Abbas despite being Jewish, just because the food is delicious. Dershowitz hopes it will jump-start peace talks between Israel and Palestine.  "A" for effort, eh?

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

AT-AT liquor cabinet

If you're gonna make yourself a liquor cabinet, you might as well do it in (Imperial) style!

More photos at BuzzFeed
Also, Patrice O'Neal passed away due to complications from a stroke he suffered in October.  He was only 41.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Not what I expected

Driving home I saw a black man in a suit and pea coat walking down the street. He was carrying a case of Milwaukee's Best Ice. Would not have guessed that.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Another question

Why is Thanksgiving Eve the "best drinking night" of the year? Probably the same reason that Black Friday is the "best shopping day" of the year.....

This is that reason.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Jim Carrey Career Timeline

I brought you career timelines of Adam Sandler and Eddie Murphy, and now it's time for Jim Carrey (one of my favorite actors). It's really interesting to note how almost all 3 graphs have peaks at 3 specific spots: The Mask/Dumb and Dumber, The Truman Show, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.  Conversely, all 3 have a valley at Fun with Dick and Jane.  And for proof that the critics don't always agree with the viewers, look at the disparity for The Number 23 and Yes Man.  Click for full-size version.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Sunday, November 20, 2011

What if the Eagles didn't blow those 4th quarter leads?

The NFC standings would be different, that's for sure.  As they are now:


  • 6-3 NY Giants
  • 5-4 Dallas Cowboys
  • 3-6 Philadelphia Eagles
  • 3-6 Washington Redskins
  • 9-0 Green Bay Packers
  • 6-3 Detroit Lions
  • 6-3 Chicago Bears
  • 2-7 Minnesota Vikings
  • 7-3 New Orleans Saints
  • 5-4 Atlanta Falcons
  • 4-5 Tampa Bay Buccaneers
  • 2-7 Carolina Panthers
  • 8-1 San Francisco 49ers
  • 3-6 Seattle Seahawks
  • 3-6 Arizona Cardinals
  • 2-7 St. Louis Rams
The Eagles blew 4th quarter leads in 5 of their 6 losses, versus the Falcons, Giants, 49ers, Bears, and Cardinals.  I don't think it's unreasonable to assume the Eagles could have won each one of those games, considering the late blown leads.  Here's the updated standings had they won:


  • 8-1 Philadelphia Eagles
  • 5-4 NY Giants
  • 5-4 Dallas Cowboys
  • 3-6 Washington Redskins
  • 9-0 Green Bay Packers
  • 6-3 Detroit Lions
  • 5-4 Chicago Bears
  • 2-7 Minnesota Vikings
  • 7-3 New Orleans Saints
  • 4-5 Atlanta Falcons
  • 4-5 Tampa Bay Buccaneers
  • 2-7 Carolina Panthers
  • 7-2 San Francisco 49ers
  • 3-6 Seattle Seahawks
  • 2-7 Arizona Cardinals
  • 2-7 St. Louis Rams
As you can see, the Eagles would have a commanding lead in the NFC East, with the Giants in the middle of the Wild Card hunt.  The Bears, who have recently had a resurgence, would also be in the middle of the Wild Card hunt and not leading it/favored to win.  The Falcons, who have stumbled as of late, would give the Saints control of the NFC South and be at the bottom of the possible Wild Card teams.  For the NFC West, the Cardinals would share the basement with the Rams instead of being a game up, so no significance there.  However, had the 49ers lost, they'd have been 2-2 at the time as opposed to the much better 3-1.  They've won several close games this season, and it's possible the Eagles game gave them some momentum (it certainly took away any the Eagles were hoping to gain).  They'd probably still be leading the West, but it would be a much different division.

If the Eagles continue to blow leads, I might have to do another one of theses "what ifs".  Stay tuned.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Where have the Giddeons gone?

So tonight is honestly the first time I've been in a hotel room without a Giddeon bible. Wtf? Rocky Raccoon clearly didn't check in here.

Some off-season MLB news

Roy Halladay of the Phillies was unable to win a second consecutive NL Cy Young Award, as that honor when (27-5 decision) to Clayton Kershaw of the Dodgers.  Halladay finished second, with Cliff Lee third and Cole Hamels fifth.  That's a ridiculous rotation.

The Houston Astros will move to the American Leage West after the 2012 season, finally creating 2 equal 15 team leagues.  Also, by the 2013 season, there will be 2 wildcard teams in each league instead of 1.  Those 2 teams will play a 1 game playoff to decide who will advance to the divisional round.  It's about time some playoff changes were made, as baseball is one of the most difficult sports in terms of making the postseason. Only 8 out of 30 teams make the playoffs currently, which is only 27%.  (via USAToday Sports)

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

20 seasons of South Park?

Yes please!  South Park has been renewed til at least 2016, bringing its total seasons to 20.  That's insane.  The show started when I was almost 10, which means I'll be almost 30 when the show hits 20 years.  Congrats to Matt, Trey, and the entire South Park crew!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Sorry, no Batman at Occupy Wall Street

Came across this interesting tidbit of information today and figued I'd share.

Since The Dark Night Rises had been filming in New York, it was rumored they would film during the Occupy Wall Street protests.  This ended up not happening -at least not officially, as I'm sure several Batmans attended- and here's why according to actor Matthew Modine:

"The wisdom of Christopher Nolan and his incredible team was that, while it seemed like a good idea to give [the protestors] an opportunity for work, to give them money, it would send a terrible message.  At the end of the day, we're making a movie. What's happening down there is more important than that. To co-opt what's happening there and around the country ... we didn't want to trivialize it. It was more important to respect what they're doing than to do anything that could potentially trivialize the political situation downtown."
Via Vulture 

Monday, November 14, 2011

Michael J. Fox performs Johnny B. Goode

Man, I really respect and appreciate Michael J. Fox.  He's a tremendous actor, and an absolutely perfect advocate for Parkinson's Disease.  He really is actively trying to help find a cure which is heroic, and why this video of him performing Johnny B. Goode at a fundraiser (The Michael J. Fox Foundation) is awesome.  He even does a little duck walk at the end; try not to think of Back to the Future when you watch this:

via BuzzFeed

The Poor Kid

South Park: The Poorest KidNew York, November 14, 2011 - Kenny's parents are arrested in an all-new episode of "South Park" titled, "The Poor Kid," premiering Wednesday, November 16 at 10:00 P.M. ET/PT on Comedy Central.

With their parents in jail, Kenny and his brother and sister find themselves in the foster care system. Cartman is sincerely disturbed when Kenny is taken away. He doesn't know who to rip on for being the poorest kid in school anymore.

From SPS

FYI: This is the final episode of season 15.  The next episode will air after the between season break, sometime in March.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Darren Aronofsky's anti-meth PSAs

These are crazy, and exactly what you'd expect from Aronofsky (if you've seen any of his films).  Really powerful message in these PSAs for "The Meth Project", check them out below:

Saturday, November 12, 2011

The coolest version of the "Reading Rainbow" theme

Thanks to Jim Morrison Jimmy Fallon on his show last night:

You know, Jimmy Fallon gets a lot of shit for laughing on SNL and producing unfunny comedies, but his late night show is great and he really excels at hosting it.  Late Night with Jimmy Fallon is just as good as Late Night with Conan O'Brien was, for sure.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Papelbon is now a Phillie

The Phillies have continued their recent trend of making huge signings in the off-season, this time by adding All-Star closer Jonathan Papelbon.  Pending a physical, he will receive a 4 year, $50 million contract (making it the largest contract for a closer in MLB history).  After using 4 pitchers as closers last season, there is no doubt who will take that spot for this upcoming season.  Where does this leave Ryan Madson?  Time will tell.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

New Always Sunny tonight!

Personally, I've liked this season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  It started off a little ridiculous, and had a forgettable episode, but definitely hit its stride with "Chardee MacDennis" (which quickly jumped into my Top 10).  Tonight's ep is "The Gang Gets Trapped," and you can check out a preview clip here.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

And the next flavored vodka?

Big surprise, it's not available in Jersey!
Peanut Butter!  "NutLiquor" (say it out loud) is the world's first peanut butter flavored vodka. It's formulated to taste like the "center of a peanut cup with no harsh aftertaste."  I can't wait to try this.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Where's Waldo? to be the next children's book turned movie

Yup, you read that right.  I always thought Hollywood made some interesting choices in their decisions to turn books into films, and Where's Waldo definitely tops that list.  From ComingSoon:
MGM's President of Motion Picture Group Jonathan Glickman today announced that the studio has secured feature film rights to bring Classic Media's "Where's Waldo?" to the big screen in a live-action family adventure.
"We are thrilled to be bringing the search for Waldo to the big screen. Along with our partners at Classic Media, we look forward to making a worldwide adventure that will appeal to 'Where's Waldo?' fans of all ages," Glickman said.

A History Channel Thanksgiving

South Park: A History Channel Thanksgiving Press Release NewsNew York, November 7, 2011 - Thanksgiving is just weeks away and the dedicated people at The History Channel are getting close to discovering the truth on an all-new episode of South Park titled, "A History Channel Thanksgiving" premiering Wednesday, November 9 at 10:00 p.m. ET/PT on Comedy Central.

After watching a Thanksgiving special on The History Channel, the boys believe that aliens were involved in the original feast. But, questions remain... was the first Thanksgiving haunted? Is alien technology responsible for stuffing? The truth could change Thanksgiving for everyone.

From SPS

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Charlie Day's SNL monologue

Update: The show drew great ratings, and was received positively by fans.

Eddie Murphy Career Timeline

While we're on the subject of actors who have seemed to decline over the years (see: Adam Sandler Career Timeline), I decided to focus on Eddie Murphy.  It's the general consensus that he made far superior films early in his career then released a bunch of family friendly flicks; there is no way in hell Daddy Day Care can compete with Beverly Hills Cop.  But what do IMDB, Rotten Tomatoes, and Metacritic have to say about it?  Much like before the three sources don't agree but show a lot of the same trends, namely a peak in Murphy's early carreer, a decline, and a relatively constant period before increasing for the recently released Tower Heist.  Check it out below, and click for the full version.

I omitted the Shrek series since they really aren't Eddie Murphy movies and would skew the results

What you should not let your kids do

Umm..... yeah.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Andy Rooney passes away

Andy Rooney, who recently ended his ridiculously long run on 60 Minutes, passed away today at the age of 92 due to complications from a minor surgery he had last week.  Though he didn't always have the most agreeable opinions, he certainly was an entertaining old man.  Kind of like your grandfather or crazy uncle who rambles on about the government or how everything was better back in the day.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Jim Thome rejoins the Phillies

Fan favorite (or Phan Phavorite if you're one of those people) Jim Thome will be returning to the Philadelphia Phillies for the 2012 season.  The 41 year old recently hit his 600th career homerun, and signed a one year contract with the Phils today, pending a physical.  Perfect low-key signing if you ask me, since Thome is a marked improvement over Ross Gload as a left handed pinch hitter/first baseman with power.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Adam Sandler Career Timeline

After talking to my brother about how Adam Sandler's career has gone from good to bad, I decided to make a chart to demonstrate.  I used ratings from IMDB, Rotten Tomatoes, and Metacritic user reviews.  Surprisingly, his movies haven't gotten steadily worse according to those sources, instead being relatively constant over the years (obviously a few ups and down in between).  IMDB users aren't exactly the best judge of character, and Rotten Tomatoes considers critic reviews which have never been too fond of any (funny) Sandler flick.  Metacritic users, however, share relatively the same opinion as my brother and I do, though the decline isn't quite as sharp.  But seriously, there is no way Jack and Jill is going to touch Billy Madison/Happy Gilmore/The Wedding Singer.  Without further ado, here's the chart:

Click for full-size

I'll be doing more of these for other comedians/actors, so stay tuned! Any requests?

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Chik-Fil-A donated money to ani-gay groups?

Wow.  I knew they were run by religious fanatics (closed on Sunday, the only day you actually want Chik-Fil-A) but this is just ridiculous.  Apparently back in 2009, the restaurant chain donated nearly $2 million to anti-gay groups such as the Marriage & Family Legacy Fund, the National Christian Foundation, and Focus on the Family.  I really don't think anyone should be discriminated against, so this news disgusts me.  But god damn if those chicken sandwiches and nuggets aren't just plain delicious.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

The Top 50 MLB Free Agents

Read the whole list here, but here's the top 10 (and the Phillies on the list):

  1. Albert Pujols
  2. Prince Fielder
  3. Jose Reyes
  4. C.J. Wilson
  5. Jonathan Papelbon
  6. Heath Bell
  7. Carlos Beltran
  8. David Ortiz
  9. Aramis Ramirez
  10. Jimmy Rollins
   12. Ryan Madson
   22. Roy Oswalt
   35. Raul Ibanez
   44. Brad Lidge

via The700Level

Monday, October 31, 2011


South Park: Preview: Ganging Up on the One PercentNEW YORK, October 31, 2011 One fat fourth grader is singled out when the Presidential Physical Fitness scores are announced in an all-new episode of "South Park" titled, "1%," premiering Wednesday, November 2 at 10:00 p.m. ET/PT on Comedy Central.

The kids at South Park Elementary are being punished for Cartman's failings in the physical education department. What will Cartman do when they all gang up on him?

From SPS

Sunday, October 30, 2011

What # are you?

BBC News is celebrating our population hitting 7 billion people in the next couple of weeks, and offer the opportunity for everyone to find out what number person they are.  My number when I was born: 5,051,394,618
I was the 79,983,337,928th person to have lived since history began.

Find out your number here!

Note: Check out the facts for the USA... +113 immigrants every hour!

Mickey Rourke talks Sin City 2

I must've missed the news that Sin City 2 is tentatively scheduled to start filming early next year (finally!), but Mickey Rourke talks about his character Marv and his chances of returning to play the role:
"It depends," he smiled, "It depends on how bad they want me. You feel me?"

Some time ago, Rourke had noted his reluctance to re-approach a part with such heavy make-up.

"I did [like the character]," he reiterated today, "but I'm claustrophobic, so the the hours of makeup -- You have to keep it on for about 13 or 14 hours a day. It's latex and glue and that stuff that gets my eyes all red..."

Rourke, who is famous for his candid interview comments, also recalled an anecdote from the first film's production that reminds him of another reason to resist prosthetics.

"I remember I picked up some chick at a bar in Texas one night and invited her to the set to have lunch at the lunch break," he grinned. "I couldn't take the s--t off. F--k it, I never saw her again!"
First of all, if you're a man of Rourke's stature and you're claustrophobic... really?  Take a damn Valium or something and suck it up.  Second of all, if you're a man of Rourke's celebrity and you're complaining about losing a girl... really?  Get another one!  And clearly "it depends" really means "it depends on how much money they give me," and I say give it to him.  He played Marv perfectly and I can't see anyone else fill those mitts.

More at ComingSoon

Saturday, October 29, 2011

McRibs are back!

And what better way to celebrate than to discover what they're made of!  There's about 70 "ingredients", with half of those being found in the bun alone.  It's only 500 calories and 26 grams of fat, thanks to the "restructured meat product".  Click to find out what that is!

Is it bad that I still want one?

Friday, October 28, 2011


I can only imagine how much better tonight would be if the Phillies had beat the Cardinals. In other news, it's supposed to snow in NJ tomorrow? What?

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Beetlejuice 2?

From ComingSoon:

Last month it was announced that writer/producer pair David Katzenberg and Seth Grahame-Smith were working on a sequel to Tim Burton's 1988 comedy, Beetlejuice. Today, EW spoke with pair who say that they've already got Burton's blessing and that they wouldn't want to move forward if they didn't think that Michael Keaton would be returning to the title role.

"When Warner Bros. came to us about it, we said the only way we'd do it if we got Tim [Burton's] blessing and involvement, and we got that," says Grahame-Smith, "and the star of the movie has to be Michael Keaton as Beetlejuice, and it's a true continuation 26 years later. Not just throwing him in as a cameo going, 'Hey, it's me. I endorse this movie.' We're not there yet, because we don't have a film to present to him."

While the original film spawned a lesser-known animated series, a sequel was planned in the early '90s with the title Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian. Burton had planned to return as director, but the project failed to develop beyond an initial screenplay. It is currently unknown whether or not Katzenberg and Grahame-Smith's upcoming script will have any crossover with that original concept.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Dumb and Dumber 2 moving forward?

From Vulture:
It's been seventeen years Dumb and Dumber was released (Yes, you are old! You're so old, just incredibly old, stop being so old), but a few months ago, Jim Carrey began floating the notion that he might be down for a super-belated sequel. Now, it looks like Dumb and Dumber 2 is becoming a reality: Deadline reports that writers have been hired to script the film, and Peter and Bobby Farrelly (who directed the original) hope to segue to it after finishing up work on The Three Stooges. But what if Lauren Holly holds out? What then? [Deadline]
Also, from

With plans for a sequel originally reported by earlier this year, Deadline now has word that another Dumb and Dumber film has hired the writing pair of Sean Anders and John Morris. ..... Anders and Morris are best known as the pair behind the comedy Sex Drive as well as the upcoming I Hate You, Dad.

Zach Galifianakis walks out on Conan

On last night's Conan, Zach Galifianakis made perhaps the greatest entrance on the show.  Later, he made perhaps the greatest exit when he walked out during his interview with Conan.  Check out the video to find out why:

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

DC Comics special next for Robot Chicken

They've successfully made 3 hilarious specials based on the Star Wars franchise, and now Robot Chicken is taking on DC Comics with a special set to air in 2012.  Here's a preview clip; if the rest of the special is as good as this I'm excited:

The Walking Dead back for a third season

AMC has renewed The Walking Dead for a third season.  From

Today we are pleased to announce that the 'dead' shall live as we proudly renew 'The Walking Dead' for a third season on AMC and, globally, with our terrific partners at Fox International Channels," said Charlie Collier, AMC's President. "We are thankful for everyone's contribution in front of and behind the camera as we continue to make 'The Walking Dead' a unique television experience. And, we are so proud as it continues to set viewership records around the world.

Monday, October 24, 2011


From Vulture:

Actor turned producer Tom Hanks is now at work on his second HBO project, a half-hour comedy about college athletes to be titled Players, reports the Hollywood Reporter. This comes mere months after Hanks and his partner Gary Goetzman came onboard to produce HBO's adaptation of Neil Gaiman's 2001 novel American Gods. Now that's a partnership we can sign off on. [THR]

Broadway Bro Down

NEW YORK, October 24, 2011 - Randy's co-workers show him what's great about Broadway Musicals in an all-new episode of "South Park" titled "Broadway Bro Down" premiering on Wednesday, October 26 at 10:00 p.m. ET/PT on Comedy Central.

Sharon is thrilled that Randy is making an effort to do more things that she enjoys. But, after he takes her to see a hit musical in Denver, Randy becomes Broadway's biggest fan. Sharon is whisked away to New York and treated to every musical on the Great White Way.

From SPS

Not sure how this happens...

...But I got a Totino's pizza roll with nothing but herbs and spices in it. No cheese, no meat, just herbs and spices.

Side by side comparison coming soon!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

6 Classic Songs That Were Supposed to Be Jokes

#6. "Loser" -- Beck

The first and biggest hit of Beck's life would be the result of a bored Beck and his ability to make up random bullshit on the fly.

He had a lot of practice. Before he got famous, Beck played his music anywhere he could -- in clubs, in coffee houses and on the streets of L.A., usually to crowds who couldn't give less of a shit about him. Being the type of guy he is, he'd eventually break out of whatever song he was playing and start making up random lyrics instead, just to see who was paying attention.

"Heathcliff the cat, fucking a midget, with a pigeon's foot in the skyyyyy!"

This particular skill came into play later when Beck and Carl Stephenson, a producer for Rap-A-Lot Records, spontaneously decided to record a song in Stephenson's kitchen. Beck started rapping, and they both got a laugh out of how terrible he sounded. As they were playing it back, Beck just started sarcastically singing, "I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me." Everything else is just random nonsense Beck made up while staring at things in Stephenson's kitchen.

Suddenly the lines about dog food, beef and Cheez Whiz make sense. Well, more sense, anyway.

The track took six and a half hours to record and produce from start to finish. Beck wasn't happy with the song, it being something he slapped together as a demonstration of how bad he was at rapping, and only agreed to release it under pressure from his label at the time, Bong Load. Because who wouldn't recognize the wisdom of every business decision made by an organization with such a name?

U2, for example, got their first big break while signed to Boner Fart Records.

"Loser" got Beck the attention he needed, and he soon got picked up by a real label, Geffen Records, which reissued the song in 1994. It peaked at 10 on the Billboard Hot 100, made Beck a star and was ultimately ranked #203 in Rolling Stone's "The 500 Greatest Songs of All Time." Not bad for a bunch of gibberish made up in a kitchen.

Continue the list at!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Intervention! Intervention!

You know you're an alcoholic when you start drinking Twisted Teas after all the beer is gone. Family parties are great.  I guess it's better than a dude drinking a Cosmopolitan or some fruity drink, though.

Wish I had thought of this

A teacher caught one of her students with this:


Friday, October 21, 2011

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Check out this version of "Whole Lotta Love"

Michael WinslowThe guy from Police Academy (let's face it, that's what you know him as) did this crazy good "cover" of Led Zeppelin's Whole Lotta Love.  Wish I caught this earlier! (via)

In other news...

Muammar Gaddafi, or however the hell it's spelled, was killed by rebels.  (Not to be confused with the Rebel Alliance.)

I'm sure I'm not breaking any news, but click here for video and gory pictures.  Saddam, Bin Laden, and now Gaddafi... I wonder who is next?  George Bush is out of office, so I guess that won't happen.

Animal farm owner frees 56 animals, kills himself

That headline says it all really, but I'll continue.  I first read about this in the local paper this morning, and felt like it wasn't real.  But it is. (Click for more info and video)

Terry Thompson, who owned an animal farm in Ohio, committed suide for unknown reasons Tuesday.  However, this was not before he left all the animal cages open, allowing his 56 exotic animals to roam free.  Local police were given a license to kill, since dusk was fast approaching. Schools closed, and residents were ordered to stay indoors.

After reading more about Thompson, I don't really feel too bad for him.  He was apparently a bad neighbor, and had several run-ins with the law.  He didn't treat his animals right, which is probably due to the massive quantity he had to take care of.  No wonder the animals all ran away, which is who we should be feeling bad for.

The casualties:
  • 18 Bengal tigers
  • 17 lions
  • 6 black bears
  • 3 mountain lions
  • 2 grizzly bears
  • 2 wolves
  • 1 baboon
6 animals were captured and taken to the zoo: 3 leopards, 2 monkeys, and 1 grizzly bear.  If you do the math, that adds up to 55 animals.  The good news?  There is still a monkey on the loose!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Robert Lopez to guest write on South Park

Robert Lopez, who worked on The Book of Mormon with Matt Stone and Trey Parker, will visit the show next week to help them write the next episode of South Park.  Naturally, no word yet on what the episode is about.

From the Comedy Central Blog

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


I just made my first roadkill! After driving for 7 years, too. Luckily it wasn't a skunk; it was a poor ol' raccoon.

Charlie Day to host SNL

On November 5th with Maroon 5.  The next 2 hosts after him will be Emma Stone on the 12th and Jason Segal on the 19th.  Coldplay and Florence + the Machine, respectively, will host those shows.


Monday, October 17, 2011

Bass to Mouth

South Park: Bass to Mouth Press Release NewsNEW YORK, October 17, 2011 - The kids most scandalous secrets are being revealed on-line, in an all-new episode of "South Park" titled, "Bass to Mouth," premiering on Wednesday, October 19 at 10:00 p.m. ET/PT on Comedy Central.

The students of South Park Elementary are the victims of a new gossip website. An elusive hacker has somehow gained access into the student's confidential phone calls and e-mails and is posting all their juicy stories. The boys are shocked when they discover the identity of the hacker.

From SPS

Sunday, October 16, 2011