The Comedy Zeitgeist

Pretty awesome chart from Vulture, showing their version of the Comedy Zeitgeist.  You'll have to download the PDF to get the whole picture, but you can see the awesomeness from the sample below.

The Beerbulance

If only this were available everywhere! I know a few people I would call this for:

From Neatorama

Oh, the irony

I think the headline "Ex-poster child for missing kids gets 25 years in child rape" speaks for itself so I'll leave it alone.  But basically, 23 year old Adam Croote was sentenced on Friday for raping and choking a 10 year old girl he was babysitting. He was already a registered sex offender, so why was he babysitting a young girl?  Apparently the family knew of Croote being a registered sex offender, but I guess thought he had changed or they just ignored it completely.  After having a troubled childhood, Adam Croote became a poster child for missing children/child abuse.  Oh, the irony.

Flyers win Game 1!

Danny Briere with the OT winner over the Devils, to give the Flyers a 4-3 comeback win in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference semi-finals.  3 more to move on guys, let's go!!!

Umm, what?

Just saw a guy blatantly run a red light. And I don't mean a situation where it was yellow and you think you can make it. This guy was waiting at the red light already for a period of time, then for some ridiculous reason decides to just go straight through the red light. This also wasn't a situation where you jump the gun a little bit when you see the other light turn yellow; the other direction still had a green light. I was shocked when I saw it, and shocked when the car wasn't T-boned.

Awesome Avengers art (but probably a Dr. Pepper ad)

From Buzzfeed, these "sculptures" are made entirely from Dr. PepperTarget products.

An effective sign

Saw this at work today, and it certainly kept me out of the stall:



Ace Ventura must have been in there before me

The scariest shit you'll ever take

Well, that explains the two rolls of toilet paper.

It was built over a 15-story elevator shaft with a glass floor. Why? I have no idea, ask a crazy person.

From Neatorama

Real Ninja Turtles van!

Just saw this at The Chive:

What ever happened to Boba Fett?

via Neatorama

Another heart attack at Heart Attack Grill

Not too long ago I posted about a man going into cardiac arrest at the aptly named Heart Attack Grill in Las Vegas.  Well, turns out (unsurprisingly) that the restaurant has claimed another victim.  A woman was found unconcious at the restaurant after collapsing due to not only eating a Double Bypass Burger, but by smoking a cigarette and drinking a margarita.  Honestly can't blame the restaurant at this point, people are kind of stupid.

Video at Huffington Post

Brian Dawkins (and his #20) to retire as an Eagle

In case you hadn't heard, former Eagle safety Brian Dawkins announced his retirement.  He played 13 season with the Birds, and 16 overall; they were all played with the intensity Philly fans came to love.  Having last played with the Denver Broncos last year, it was announced today that B-Dawk will sign a one day contract with the Eagles, officially retiring as a member of the team.  On top of that, the Eagles will retire Dawkins' #20 in a half-time ceremony this year.  Great guy off the field and great player on the field, I'm glad to see him retiring as a member of the Philadelphia Eagles.

Flyers Playoff Scenarios UPDATED

Just for shits and giggles, here are all the possible outcomes of the first round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs (Eastern Conference) and who the Flyers could potentially face in the second round. With one game being played tonight, we could know by tomorrow.  Let's take a look:

(1)New York Rangers vs. (8)Ottawa Senators - Senators are currently up 3-2 in the series, with game 6 being played as I type (Senators up 1-0 after the 1st period) Series is tied 3-3, game 7 will be played 4/26 @7PM

• If the Rangers win, they will face the lowest remaining seed.  They can't play the (2)Bruins or (3)Panthers, no matter what since the (5)Flyers already advanced.
• If the Senators win, they will face the highest remaining seed.  They won't be playing the (7)Capitals or the (6)Devils since the (5) Flyers already advanced.
• The Flyers will play the (1)Rangers if they win over the (8)Senators and if the (3)Panthers and (2)Bruins win.
• The Flyers will have home ice and play the (8)Senators if they win over the (1)Rangers and if the (6)Devils and (7)Capitals win.

(2)Boston Bruins vs. (7)Washington Capitals - Series is tied 3-3, with game 7 TBD Capitals advance on 4/25

• If the Bruins win, they can play the (8)Senators, (6)Devils, or (5)Flyers.  They won't play the (3)Panthers or (1)Rangers due to the (5)Flyers advancing with a lower seed.
• If the Capitals win, they can play the (1)Rangers, (3)Panthers, or (5)Flyers.  They won't play the (6)Devils or (8)Senators due to seeding.
• The Flyers will play the (2)Bruins if they win over the (7)Capitals and if the (1)Rangers and (6)Devils win.
• The Flyers will have home ice and play the (7)Capitals if they win over the (2)Bruins and if the (8)Senators and (3)Panthers win.

(3)Florida Panthers vs. (6)New Jersey Devils - Panthers are currently up 3-2 in the series, with game 6 scheduled for Tuesday the 24th Series is tied 3-3, game 7 will be played 4/26 @8:30PM

• If the Panthers win, they can play the (8)Senators, (7)Capitals, or (5)Flyers.  They won't play the (1)Rangers or (2)Bruins due to the (5)Flyers advancing with a lower seed.
• If the Devils win, they can play the (1)Rangers, (5)Flyers, or (7)Capitals.  They won't play the (2)Bruins or (8)Senators due to seeding.
• The Flyers will play the (3)Panthers if they win over the (6)Devils and if either both the (1)Rangers and (7)Capitals win OR both the (2)Bruins and (8)Senators win. 
• The Flyers will have home ice and play the (6)Devils if they win over the (3)Panthers and if either both the (8)Senators and (2)Bruins win OR both the (7)Capitals and (1)Rangers win.

So there you have it.  All the different scenarios for the second round of the playoffs.  Have fun and let's go Flyers!

UPDATE!

All of the other series went to 7 games!  As of tonight (Wednesday) the Capitals just pulled out the upset over the Bruins, winning game 7 in overtime 2-1.  The Rangers/Senators and Panthers/Devils games will both be played Thursday night, after which the Flyers opponent for round 2 of the Stanley Cup playoffs will definitely be determined.

With the Capitals win tonight, here's what's changed:

• The Flyers will NOT play the (1)Rangers, since the (7)Capitals advanced with a lower seed.  If you're a Flyers fan, this is great news.  Time to let out that sigh of relief!
• The Flyers can still play the (8)Senators if they advance along with the (6)Devils.  This would also give the Fly Guys home ice through the rest of the playoffs.
• They won't face the (2)Bruins, obviously.
• They'll face the (7)Capitals if both the (8)Senators and (3)Panthers win, and have home ice, too.
• The (3)Panthers will only face the (5)Flyers with a (1)Rangers win.
• The (6)Devils will only face the (5)Flyers with a (1)Rangers win as well.  The Flyers would have home ice.

Basically, if the Rangers win, the Flyers will play the winner of the Panthers/Devils game.  If the Rangers lose, the Flyers will play the Senators with a Devils win, or the Capitals with a Panthers win.

Cartman Finds Love

NEW YORK, April 23, 2012 - Cupid runs rampant in South Park in an all-new episode titled, "Cartman Finds Love" premiering Wednesday, April 25 at 10:00 p.m. ET/PT on Comedy Central.

There's a new girl in school and everyone wants to know who she has a crush on. Cartman is especially excited. He's discovered something inside himself that he never knew he had. Now, to make sure nobody gets in the way of true love, it's time for Cartman to finally let someone know exactly how he feels.

Cartman Finds Love
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PARKEric Cartman,Token Black,more...

SPS

Flyers advance!

The Philadelphia Flyers FINALLY closed out the Pittsburgh Penguins with a dominating 5-1 victory on home ice.  Ilya Bryzgalov played superbly throughout the game, and it was an overall great team effort.  Bring on the Senators/Capitals? Or maybe someone else? It won't be the Panthers due to seeding, at least I think.

MVP of the series has to go to Assistant Captain Glaude Giroux, who set a Flyers record with 14 points in the series.  LET'S GO FLYERS!

Congrats to Phil Humber!

He just threw a perfect game for the Chicago White Sox, the first since the Phil's Roy Halladay in 2010.  Truly an amazing accomplishment, no matter what team or what player.  Congrats!

The last out was on a check swing, so that should start a little controversy and scutinization of the replay.

Nick Offerman Reads Tweets

From Young Female Celebrities!  This new bit debuted on Conan last night, and is hilarious as expected.  Hope to see more of these soon.  Offerman plays the great Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation in case you didn't know.

Epic 1,050 strip bacon burger

I think I have clogged arteries just from looking at this whopper Whopper.  This epic burger was ordered from a Japanese Burger King -yes I was shocked it wasn't from America too- where you can pay 100 yen ($1.20) for 15 strips of bacon.  So why not get 70 orders of bacon? It's only another 7,000 yen ($84)! It took 2 hours to build, and weighs in at almost 6 pounds.  Oh, and it's over 14,000 calories.  Check out the comically huge "burger" below and watch the video, more pics and video at Rocket News.

MORE jail time for Lenny Dykstra?

I can't make this shit up... Lenny Dykstra was sentenced to another 3 months in jail and another 3 years probation. Why? Well, he only posted a fake Craigslist ad for a housekeeper, made the multiple women give him massages, exposed himself, then held one at knife point. Seriously. More details at TMZ.

Details on Arrested Development's return

As I've said before, Arrested Development will be coming back with 10 new episodes on Netflix, before the movie.  However, it was revealed today that these episodes will debut all on the same day, and not in the standard weekly format.  WTF?  Why would you do this?  That's what people do when they need to catch up on a series, or rewatch a series on DVD.  I don't know what Netflix is thinking; this is almost as bad as that stupid Qwikster fiasco. I can't see how this is a good idea.

Vultuer offers some insight.

Red Bull Total Zero

When did this come out???

Keith Moon invited to play at 2012 Olympics

Yeah, one problem: he died in 1978! The Who's manager had a great response:

"Keith now resides in Golders Green crematorium, having lived up to the Who's anthemic line 'I hope I die before I get old'"

From Neatorama

I Know That Voice

This is the first trailer for I Know That Voice, a documentary detailing the entire process of voice acting.  It seems quite interesting, and I'm excited to see the finished product.  Even if you aren't a fan of the process, who doesn't love seeing some of their favorite voices performed without the mask of a cartoon?  I particularily like Billy West doing Zoidberg, check it out for yourself:

Found at Neatorama

Happy Birthday to the B Long Blog!!!

Holy crap! I've been blogging an entire year! And I missed the anniversary date! Just two days ago, April 14th, marked the first birthday of the B Long Blog.  And I missed it? Oh well, I'd been blogging for 365 366 days, so forgive me. 
As of my one year anniversary, I had made at least 1 post a day for the entire (leap) year, for a total of 569.  That's an average of 1.55 posts per day; not too shabby.  I'd like to see that get up to 2 per day, but we'll see how it goes. Views were right around 13,000 on the 14th, which comes to 35.52 per day.  Also just got to 30 likes today, and I'd like to get to 60 in much quicker than a year.  That's up to you guys! Happy Birthday to me!

Please click like, and share on Facebook!--->

Also, finally finsished tagging all 576 posts, so everything is up to date as of 4/16/12

I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining

NEW YORK, April 16, 2012 - Spring Break won't last forever and the kids want to make the last day count in an all-new episode of "South Park" titled, "I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining," premiering Wednesday, April 18 at 10:00 p.m. ET/PT on Comedy Central.

The boys are excited to spend a day ziplining in the Colorado Mountains. But high in the Rockys, far from their families, their trip takes a bad turn. Chances of survival are slim. All they can do is wait to be rescued. But will help come too late?

I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining
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PARKmore...

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Apparently Bill Murray might do Ghostbusters 3 again

Yep, according to ComingSoon there's still a possibility that Bill Murray will do Ghostbusters 3.  Dan Aykroyd (and myself) had previously stated Bill was out and that the film as a whole was suspended.  Let's hope Murray finally agrees to this, I'd like to see the finished product.

Percentage of Blacks in MLB lowest since integration

I found this surprising; MLB rosters are made up of only 8.05% Black players.  I always figured it was higher, and I was right in years past.  This year marks the lowest percent since the integration era began in 1959, when it was 17.25%.  Obviously the game has changed over the years, with a recent influx of Domincan and Japanese players, among others.  Are they becoming less interested in the game (even last year it was only 8.5%) or are players of other origins becoming more prevalent? I'm sure the percent of white players has dipped in recent years, too; they won't be a minority in the league anytime soon however.

Part of the reason this comes off surprising to me is probably because I've always been a Phillies fan.  Jimmy Rollins and Ryan Howard have been a staple of their lineup for quite a few years now, and with John Mayberry, Jr. coming up the Phils will continue to have Black players on their roster above the 8%.

Draw a Stickman

Came across this neat little website at Neatorama today; just draw a stickman, and watch him (or her!) go on an interactive adventure.  Check it out by following this link.  You can even get T-shirts of your stickman!

Why was I not the first to hear about these?!?

How to make a Bobblehead with Nick Offerman

Ron SwansonNick Offerman shows us how to make a Bobblehead of the best character on television, Ron Swanson.  Win.

Sin City 2 finally to begin production!

It's about damn time! It's only been what, 7 years? Sheesh.  From ComingSoon:

Filmmakers Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller, along with producer Alexander Rodnyansky, have announced that production will commence on the highly anticipated sequel to 2005's Sin City, entitled Sin City: A Dame To Kill For. The film will be produced by AR Films and Quick Draw Productions, financed through AR Films U.S and released domestically by Dimension Films.

"The first question I am always asked is 'When will you make another Sin City? ,' said Rodriquez.  "I have wanted to re-team with Frank Miller and return to the world he created since the day we wrapped the original, but have felt a duty to the fans to wait until we had something truly exceptional that would meet and exceed what have become epic expectations. A Dame To Kill For will certainly be worth the wait."

Sin City creator, screenwriter and co-director Frank Miller said, "The first Sin City knocked out audiences who had never seen anything like it before. Robert Rodriguez and I are going to shake things up and deliver a ferocious film experience that is going to go even further than the first."

First Philles game of the year

Location:S Darien St,Philadelphia,United States

58,873 people are idiots



I'm not explaining this one

World Record Rube Goldberg Machine

Man, I know these things aren't easy to make, but when they work they look smooth and easy (and amazing)!

From Neatorama

Butterballs

NEW YORK, April 9, 2012 - Bullying has become a national health epidemic and South Park Elementary is not immune in an all-new episode of "South Park" titled, "Butterballs," premiering Wednesday, April 11 at 10:00 p.m. ET/PT on Comedy Central.

Stan wants to raise awareness about the dangers of bullying by shooting a big dance video. Will he able to handle the pressure that goes along with the notoriety of taking on such a worthy cause?

Butterballs
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PARKLeopold "Butters" Stotch,Mr. Mackey,more...

Via SPS

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter everyone! May your day be filled with Jell-O eggs, Peeps, Reese's Eggs, ham, family, alcohol? and actual eggs.  And zombie Jesus!

How to make your Mike Richards jersey wearable again

All you need is one little piece of black tape...

I want this right now

Yep, a taco shell made out of bacon. Mmmmm! (via)

Bill Murray runs the bases?

Another instant classic from Bill Murray.  He threw out the first pitch for the Chicago Cubs season opener yesterday, but before that decided to run the bases (and slide into home) with ball in hand.

Behind the scenes of the Sgt. Pepper album cover

Ever wonder who all those people were on the famous cover of the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band?

Yep, these people.

Eddie Deezen offers some background information about the album cover; read some below and continue over at Neatorama:

It is the most famous rock album cover of all time: The Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. One of the many things that still fascinate us about this incredible album is the cover. The concept for the cover was called “people we like.”
According to artist Peter Blake, the designer of the iconic Sgt. Pepper cover: “In my mind I was making a piece of art rather than an album cover. It was almost a piece of theater design.”
Blake continues: “I offered the idea that if they had just played a concert in the park, the cover would be a photograph of them with the group who had watched the concert. If we did this by using cardboard cutouts, it could be whomever they wanted.”
Each of the four Beatles was told to compile a list of people they admired, and their choices would all be featured on the album’s cover. Ringo, always the least pretentious of the four, declined right off the bat. “Whoever the others choose is okay with me,” Ringo said.
John Lennon’s off-kilter mind immediately came up with Adolf Hitler and Mohandas Gandhi. Hitler was immediately nixed for obvious reasons. But, incredibly, a paper cutout of Adolf Hitler was actually made and was there at the photo session on March 30, 1967. Legend has it that Hitler was actually in the final shot, but during the session, one of the Beatles stood in front of him, covering the camera’s view. Gandhi got the axe by EMI executives, believing it would hurt album sales in the Far East.
George, “the mystic Beatle,” of course, chose four Indian gurus. Bob Dylan was a clear choice by all the Beatles, who worshiped Dylan.
Fred Astaire was definitely a “Paul” choice. The legendary dancer was an easy sell and was reportedly delighted to be featured. However, despite Paul’s initial assurance to EMI that all the requested “guests” would “love to do anything to please us,” several of the chosen figures gave EMI more than a bit of difficulty. Shirley Temple asked to hear the finished product produced before giving her consent.
The Beatles all wanted Mae West to be on the cover, but she was apprehensive. “What would I be doing in a lonely heart’s club band?” Mae asked. To placate the legendary sex symbol, all four Beatles wrote and signed a letter to Mae, and she finally agreed.

An interview with Terry Gilliam

If you don't know who Terry Gilliam is, shame on you.  I'm not here to tell you who he is, that's what Google is for.  Anyway, Vulture recently conducted an interview with the only American member of Monty Python; read a few questions below and the entire transcript here.

Did you see the Hunger Games? Everybody in the Capitol looked like they were wearing shoes on their heads.
I haven’t seen it yet. Do they really have upturned shoes for helmets?

Not really. But the costumes are definitely “Gilliam-esque.”
The thing is [my movie], Brazil is everywhere. Even Wall-E with the song: doot doot doot, doot do-do do doot. Because Brazil is the one thing that I’ve ever been involved with that is continually taught at film school. And so I guess anybody who is learning anything about filmmaking has Brazil stuck in their head somewhere. I don’t think the general public has a thing for it, but all film people seem to think it’s “an important film.” [Laughs.]

The coolest thing on the app is the outtake of John Cleese getting upset at your direction of his French Taunter. Is that amusing to you at this point?
That’s what I liked about doing [the app], that we wanted to be completely transparent all the time. So now the world can see. But I find watching it just kind of strange: I can’t believe the speed with which I talked. My wife couldn’t imagine the voice that I had back then. But it’s nice to have not memories, but facts. We’ve always embroidered the past and now we can see the truth.

What’s the last funny movie you saw?
Oh, Jesus. You’re really testing me here, because my memory is gone and anything beyond a couple weeks is ancient history. I haven’t seen anything funny for quite a while. The last scene in Burn After Reading had me in tears. That’s what I’ve laughed the most at most recently.

Is Burn After Reading the most visually interesting comedy you’ve seen recently?
Well, that’s the problem. Last night, I just happened to turn on the television and Anchorman was on. Which I’d never seen before. And it’s very silly, and other than costumes and hair it doesn’t depend on visuals to work. And both [Holy Grail co-director] Terry Jones and I, our feelings with Holy Grail were, it’s funnier if you’re really going to set the stage. So when a king rides through and you say, “How do you know he’s not a king? Because he has shit all over him” — well, you’ve got to establish shit in such quantities that it becomes funny. And John as the taunter, there was something very interesting about when he held his hands in the right position, his gauntlets kicked up in a very funny way. And it was just funny looking besides being an extraordinary performance. But anything that seemed to slow down the performance, or that John felt was taking too much time to set up, he hated because he’s quite serious about performance. But I think if you get the makeup, the costumes, the sets, the atmosphere right, the jokes are going to be funnier. And I think that’s the case with Holy Grail. It just feels like you’re there, in this primitive world where it’s rough and it’s ugly and you have many characters trying to maintain dignity and rise above the putridness of the place. That feels funny in itself.

Ted Trailer

I heard about this the other day, but kinda brushed it off.  A few people posted about it over the weekend, and I finally decided to take a look.  I have a little dislike for Family Guy so I wasn't sure how a Seth MacFarlane directed flick would turn out, especially one with a talking animal character; it's been done before.  And although "Ted" sounds exactly like Seth, this movie looks genuinely funny.  Check out the red band trailer below, via FilmDrunk:

Ted: Restricted Trailer - watch more funny videos

Rock Band Blitz

 

Tracy Morgan attempts to answer questions with 140 characters

He fails miserably, but it's hilarious (and ridiculous of course).  The interview is for the Shorty Awards, whatever they are.

Jewpacabra

New York, April 2, 2012 - Cartman searches for an elusive creature in the forests surrounding the town in an all-new episode of "South Park" titled, "Jewpacabra" premiering Wednesday, April 4 at 10:00 p.m. ET/PT on Comedy Central.

South Park's big Easter egg hunt is in jeopardy when there are rumors of a dangerous beast lurking in the woods nearby. Cartman tries to warn everyone that their lives are at risk if they participate in the egg hunt. No one believes him until he produces video evidence of the mysterious being.

Jewpacabra
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PARKEric Cartman,Leopold "Butters" Stotch,more...

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Psychic? Yeah, right

Came out of the store to find a bright pink piece of paper in my car door. It was $10 off for some psychic reading or whatever. Now, if they were truly psychic they wouldn't have bothered putting one in my door, knowing I would take one look at it and throw it on the ground. Which is exactly what I did. What a bunch of crap.

Dumb and Dumber 2 to begin production

I've mentioned it before, but now it's actually happening. Filming for Dumb and Dumber 2 is set for September, starring Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels, and directed by the Farrelly Brothers. Personally, as long as Jim and Jeff are doing it, I'm on board. Can't be worse than Dumb and Dumberer, right?

April Fools!!!

Now that I got at least 1 person, happy April Fool's Day! The blog will remain open so don't be sad and please disregard the previous post. There was a subliminal message in there; check out the bolded letters. While your emotions are being messed with, please take a moment to click "like" on the right hand side. Thanks!

RIP The B Long Blog - Gotcha!

I regret to inform everyone that I will be ending the B Long Blog today.  I've just been too busy with work and other things lately that I can't put in enough time and effort to properly maintain the blog.  I lasted nearly a year, and made at least 1 post per day but that streak will be ending.  Sorry!  Maybe I'll bring it back someday, but for now please enjoy the plethora of posts I have made, as they won't be going anywhere.


EDIT: If you still don't get it, put together all the bolded letters and check the date of the post!